When people first visit my office as prospective divorce clients they are not always ready to file for divorce. 

Some people are ready to file immediately.  Some have already filed without an attorney and now want to hire a lawyer.  Sometimes I get people who were dissatisfied with their lawyer.  Many people are in therapy and hoping it will work out but exploring the process in case it doesn’t.  Some may not outright admit it but perhaps they are looking to “divorce plan” and see what they may do now to improve their situation should they need to file in the future.  Others are ready to file or to consider mediation or other more amicable forms of divorce.  Some want “legal separation” and I explain there is no such thing in New Jersey (divorce from Bed and Board is the closest thing we have to it).  Some prospective clients have finished with mediation and have a non-binding memorandum of understanding that they wish to finalized.  Some have a divorce agreement proposed by their spouse that they wish for me to review.  Some have gotten divorced, remarried the same person, and how wish to divorce again. 

Saving the Marriage…or Not…

So what’s the point of the somewhat long-winded list above? Simply this: to let anyone reading this and contemplating a divorce to know that it’s ok if you’re not ready to file for divorce.  It’s ok if your main goal is to “save” your marriage.  It’s ok to feel conflicted and it would be unnatural not to. 

Few people enter into a marriage without a lot of thought and likewise few exit a marriage without considering the ramifications of that decision.  There are bills to be paid, children to be raised, and assets to divide. Beyond that there are emotions–sometimes intense emotions to resolve. There may be feelings of loss, of betrayal, and of guilt. Talking to a divorce attorney does not mean you are going to move forward with a divorce. I see certain clients where I believe it may be in their best interests to get divorced, but it’s not my decision and I will aim to never judge anyone for whether they stay in or out of a marriage.  It’s not a decision that anyone from the outside can understand, not even divorce lawyers. 

So if you’re contemplating a divorce in 2019 but uncertain how to proceed.  That is ok.  If you’ve met with an attorney months earlier and now wish to proceed, there is no need to feel embarrassed about returning to that same attorney if you are now ready.  As divorce lawyers, we are used to the “funnel.” of new clients.  We meet with people and some retain us on the spot, some we never hear from again, and others we hear from months or even years later saying they were not ready when we first met but now they are.  That is normal and that is ok.  If you’re not ready to move forward yet that is perfectly normal.  And if you are, we’re here to help.

To schedule a consult with Carl Taylor Law, LLC, call 908-237-3096 to set up a time to meet for a confidential divorce consultation.  

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