I’m going to sprinkle a little humor along with some information about the divorce process in this post, where I will describe 5 Surprising Things About the Divorce Process in New Jersey.  

 

1.   Most People Seeking a Divorce Speak With An Attorney Prior to Telling Their Partner

Prior to becoming a divorce attorney, I assumed attorneys were consulted after the parties determined a divorce was inevitable.

What I know now, is that almost everyone seeking a divorce first meets with or retains a divorce attorney.

This makes sense, of course, as the party seeking the divorce can then know their rights prior to ending their marriage.

2. Columbus Day Is Important After All 

Most divorces aren’t as contested as people would think.  But once in a while a major dispute will occur over something that might under normal consequences appear somewhat innocuous.  As a hypothetical, parties may fight over parenting time of minor holidays like Columbus Day (no offense, Columbus), or over whether an essentially valueless car should be classified as “poor” or “fair” for Blue-Book valuation purposes.

I believe that my job as an attorney is to try and resolve these types of (non) issues as quickly as possible, so that the focus can remain on providing closure and obtaining my client’s major goals and objectives.  There have been plenty of times where I have had to advise a client that a positive outcome of a minor issue would still be worth less than the cost in legal fees.  When another party is being irrational or combative, it can be quite difficult to “be the bigger person,” but sometimes it is still quite essential to maintaining a bigger wallet.

3. Very Few Cases Are Actually Tried In Court 

Growing up watching movies like Kramer v. Kramer or reading about “Baby M”, I assumed that family law attorneys spent all of their time in Court conducting major hearings or trials. The truth, however, is a little (a lot?) less glamorous.   In fact, almost every divorce case will settle prior to a trial.  Trials are simply too costly (and in most instances, inefficient).  If, through their counsels the parties can resolve their issues, then it generally makes little sense to have a Judge make a determination.

4.  Baby Boomers Are Capable of Having Mid-Life Crises Well Into Their Sixties 

It’s the largest generation, and the generation that has in many ways positively changed the world forever.   It’s also the generation that, for better or worse has attempted to defy age at every turn.  Yes, this means that mid-life crises are no longer limited to those in their late thirties/early forties.  For some Boomers, the mid-life crises may even be a decades long affliction.  Not surprisingly, this may perhaps have an effect on the divorce rate of the Boomers.  I say more power to them.

5.  Attempts to Punish The Other Party Are Often Self-Defeating 

In a long, protracted divorce, the only real winners are the attorneys (assuming they get paid for all the work).  While I was a law clerk, I saw too many cases where the parties fought each other over everything, and both ended up with virtually nothing.  The ex’s who can learn to quickly move on, and work together as needed for the children’s sake, are the parties who will have sufficient capital to start life anew.

Sometimes a fight is necessary or even inevitable.  But if both parties can maintain a mindset of cooperation (as difficult as that may be), then they will likely both end up in a better position as they begin their post-divorce lives.

 

Your New Jersey Divorce Lawyer:

If you’re considering a New Jersey divorce or Family Law action contact me to discuss your options.  You can schedule an initial consultation by calling my office at 908-237-3096 or by scheduling your own divorce consultation online by clicking here.